The New Pandemic: Tesla Sudden Status Reversal Disorder (TSSRD)

Therapists in Seattle are reporting an alarming surge in a new psychological disorder which they are identifying as “Tesla Regret Syndrome.”

“Yes,” said Dr. Ian Williams of the Lake Washington Clinic, “It started with one or two people a couple months ago, but in the last month we are seeing as many as twelve to fifteen people a week who are really struggling.”

“Typically, they arrive at appointments wearing sunglasses and hats, apparently to avoid identification,” said the doctor. “Some are obviously distraught and muttering things like, ‘Why in the world didn’t I buy a Prius?” “Some report offering straight across trades on Craigslist for any Chevy Volt or Nissan Leaf, even though there’s a considerable price difference between those vehicles and a Tesla.”

“When I bought a Tesla I thought I was doing a good thing for the environment, for the planet,” said Mimi Bridges, a 64-year-old Unitarian minister. “But now, I’m finding it hard to go out in my car at all. Why just the other day, someone in traffic flipped me off. That’s just never happened to me before.”

Olin Arthur, a gynecologist, who bought his Tesla in 2022 reported that while he was sitting at a light in traffic a young woman in the car next to him lowered her window and said, “You ought to be ashamed of yourself . . . driving that piece of fascist crap.” “I really didn’t know what to say,” said Dr. Arthur. “Up until quite recently I was proud to be driving a Tesla. I thought I was making a positive contribution. Now, well, I just don’t know. And the hell of it is, I even have a Harris/ Walz bumper sticker on my car. You’d think they’d notice that!”

Therapists report their clients bewilderment. One sufferer said, “I am totally against shaming people. I’m against shame and guilt and all the rest of that religious crap. Myself, I certainly have never shamed anyone. But now, I’m a victim. I am being shamed for the car I drive. It’s terrible. You thought fat-shaming was bad? That’s nothing. Try Tesla-shaming! I have no idea how to deal with it. It’s so bad I’m actually thinking of taking the bus.”

Tesla dealers are also finding themselves in a tough spot. “The bust in sales has been hard,” said Tesla salesman, Fred Lewis, “and just the other day our showroom was even pelted with eggs, which is really something given the price of eggs!”

Therapists are advising Tesla owners in the famously Blue Bubble of Seattle to keep a low profile. “Restrict your driving to night times, if you really must drive.” They have identified a particular and virulent strain of the disorder which involves precipitous movement from high to low status/ esteem over a very short period, like a month. They call this “Sudden Status Reversal Disorder, or SSRD.” “So far medication has been ineffective with SSRD,” said one psychiatrist, “but we are hopeful that something will be available soon to help people.”

“This can be horrendously difficult to manage,” concurred Dr. Williams. “One day you are a person of virtue and status who is saving the world, and the next, well, you’re almost a criminal. We suggest two strategies that are particularly helpful: a breath practice and a mantra that includes saying “It’s just a car,” and second participating in a group with other Tesla owners where you can share what you are going through.” “We do, however, encourage people to take an Uber or the bus to get to your group meetings at least for now,” he added.

“Of course, just getting rid of the car is also an option. But for people who had been recently fired from positions as DHHS or the EPA or the IRS that may not be a realistic option.”

Some psychiatrists are hopeful that “Tesla Regret Syndrome” and “Sudden Status Reversal Disorder” will be included in the next revised edition of the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manuel of Mental Illness).