No one wants to hear “I told you so,” but I told you so.
Twelve years ago, I realized that democracy in America could not survive if Straight White Males were not prohibited from voting. In a column in The Huffington Post, I asked “Should certain classes of men, specifically Straight White Men, be allowed to vote?”
My reasoning: Asked what qualities they desired in in a President, the top choices for women and non-straight white males were: judgement, intelligence, leadership, empathy. Straight white men chose: knowledge of NFL rules; laughs at fart jokes; tolerates no flak from foreigners and women; a guy would like to have a beer with and helps me score cocaine.
With such different values, the voting gap is no surprise. The strutting, truculent, and misunderinformed George W. Bush ran 15 points higher among straight men than other voters in 2000 and 13 points higher in 2004. Polls showed Romney enjoyed a similar edge.
I concluded that, “Given these facts, I propose a constitutional amendment prohibiting straight men from voting.” No one took my suggestion seriously. Most readers thought I was joking.
In 2015, with Trump about to claim the Republican nomination and polls revealing that 70% of Straight White Males supported him, I headlined my August 2015 Huffington Post column, “Disenfranchise Straight White Males.”
I cited recent academic studies to buttress my case. Straight White Males accounted for:
- Three quarters of people who believe that the earth was created one thousand years after the Sumerians invented glue;
- 85% of those who argue we would all be better off if the rich paid less in taxes;
- 100% of those who warn that ISIS terrorists are massing at Ciudad Juarez, preparing to impose Sharia law on El Paso, Lubbock, and the Odessa-Midland metropolitan area.
But does this mean that Straight White Males should be disenfranchised? I asked the renowned bio-ethicist Monsignor Patrick Reilly, S.J. “When we objectively measure reasoning, emotional sensitivity, and political understanding, we find that Straight White Males are closer to chimpanzees than to humans.” In ethical terms, disenfranchising Straight White Males is probably a good idea.
This time readers understood that I was not joking. They thought I was a crank.
The following is a true story: In 2018, after speaking at a forum on “Destroying the Myths of Market Fundamentalism,” a reporter asked me what single reform could most improve America. “Prohibiting straight white males from voting,” I answered.
The reporter posted his story on his obscure website with the headline: Former TV CEO Says U.S. Should Ban Straight White Males from Voting.
Hannity and five other right wing websites picked up this story. They labeled my proposal criminal, communist, racist and even unconstitutional. Soon the right-wing blogosphere posted more than 1,000 abusive, belittling, and defamatory personal threats, including torture by impalement, the rack, the iron maiden, or a mix of all three.
The only people taking me seriously were those defending the right of lunatics to carry loaded Kalashnikovs into Chuck E. Cheese birthday parties.
I next tried a gentler tone with a 2020 Post Alley blog. In it, I offered a weak apology, “Let me state that I harbor no prejudice against Straight White Males. In fact, some of my best friends are that way. I merely maintain that we would all be better off if Straight While Males were prohibited from voting.
I framed Straight White Males as victims not perpetrators: “The limited intellect displayed by Straight White Males is culturally, not genetically, determined,” wrote Dr. Edward Gosset of the University of Minnesota. “Behaviors such as watching endless NASCAR races and arguing about the best shortstop in the National League erode the brain’s synaptic connections. This often results in the inability to distinguish reality from Fox News.”
Dr. Amada Silver, Professor of Neural Science at NYU, discovered a new brain disorder she named “NFL neocortex.“ She wrote, “Rooting for Mercenary Gladiators to inflict Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy on opposing Mercenary Gladiators, severely degrades neocortex’s ability to integrate information through functional columns, the vertical groups of neurons that form microcircuits.
“NFL cortex may be related to WrestleMania Disorder, the disease triggered by excessive exposure to Hulk Hogan, Rock, and The Undertaker. For reasons we do not fully understand, those afflicted with either disease are easily beguiled by vengeful, narcissistic liars. While it is not their fault, under no conditions should these tragic victims be allowed to vote.”
No one listened. Then, on November 4, 2024, Donald J. Trump was elected President receiving 72% of the Straight White Male vote.
As a straight white male, I completely reject this bizarre proposal. It has nothing to support it besides logic and evidence.
Laughing through the tears.
Cassandras are never rewarded in their own time.
This is nothing more than a snide, unfunny attempt to demean yet another oppressed sexual minority. Henceforth the acronym we must choose to describe our victimization is LGBTQIA2SSWM+.
I know these guys. They are the main reason I don’t go to sports bars. Not that I don’t enjoy football (not Seahawks so much this year, or Huskies for that matter). It is that incessent “har-har-har” gutteral laughter that I imagine the pirates making after they have killed the opposing crew and raped what women are aboard. Arrhhg, matey.
One of the GWWs,* whose essays I love. (the great wasp wits).
it is tough for the “elite” to find out that they are truly in the minority. time for the majority to find out what it is like to be in charge and actually have to do something besides deconstructing.
i wonder if democracy will survive
Thank you, Mr. Clifford.
This is the first genuine laughter I’ve enjoyed in a week.
I do think many of the red cult Straight White Males would enjoy an encounter with the dominating iron maiden (Margaret Thatcher)…at a BDSM club.