If Fats Waller lived in Seattle today, his famous song “Your feet’s too big” might go this way…
What’s that comin’ down the street?
Something you don’t want to meet.
Is it a cruise ship or a big dump truck?
No, it’s a jumbo Yukonali
Way too fat for an urban alley.
What on earth you tryin’ to do,
Filling the street and blocking the view?
Yes, your car’s too big.
Don’t want you ’cause your car’s too big.
Can’t use you ’cause your car’s too big.
Can’t tolerate you ’cause your car’s too big.
Where’d you get that beast?
You think that you’re cool as can be
In your death-machine SUV
That don’t do sports and don’t do work,
Just makes you look like a king-size jerk.
Oh, your car’s too big.
Don’t want you ’cause your car’s too big.
Can’t use you ’cause your car’s too big.
I really hate you ’cause your car’s too big!
My goodness! It’s a panzer attack!
Can’t go forward, can’t go back.
Your mechanical deformity
Is shocking in its enormity.
You’re driving that monstrosity
At way too much velocity.
Oh, your car’s too big.
Don’t want you ’cause your car’s too big.
Can’t use you ’cause your car’s too big.
We all hate you ’cause your car’s too big!
Waller’s song was a classic and thus parody is brilliant.
This is wonderful! I shared it on FB.
Excellent! Thank you Eric. Reminds me of a favorite line: “How many hugs did you not get from daddy, that you need to drive a troop transport to fetch your cafè latte at Starbucks?”
Eric,
As a fellow cyclist, I say “amen!” Big honking, menacing pick-ups too.
Could not agree more.
and your headlamps are blinding at night, you big bullies
Your headlights belong in a lighthouse
Not blazing into my poor house
Your excessive illumination
Is a public abomination
Oh, your light’s too bright
Don’t want you ’cause your light’s too bright
Can’t use you ’cause your light’s too bright
We all hate you ’cause your light’s too bright!
Bellissimo, Signor Scigliano.
Love it!
My Honda’s an SUV
Is reliable as can be
But it don’t satisfy me’
Cause my car’s too wee
My car’s too wee
How can that be
I wanna just see
How can that be
All my friends, geezers all
Some short and some tall
All so whiny, prone to fall
They wanna play pickle ball
Such is fate we do face
Our memories now encased
In albums taking up space
Keep a while just in case.
All my friends, geezers all
Some short and some tall
All so whiny, prone to fall
They wanna play pickle ball
Here we old journos, it’s true
This is the thing we can do
Raise some hell, up to you
People object, well, that’s cool
My car’s too wee
How can that be
I wanna just see
How can that be
How can that be
How can that be
Halleluha, halleluha
Halleluha, what’s it to ya?
(sorry Leonard)
Ha! Only when I bought a not too old, used Subaru Forester did I realize how large cars have grown from the 2000 RAV4 I had previously owned. The Subaru was just too wide, so, in turn, I traded it in for a Honda Fit.
Very good Eric,
I needed that laugh.
Perfect .